on A tuesDAY

i had porridge and coffee at Theresa's late this morning with my friend Ryan. each of us stoned already. turns out we both brought our new toy's and decided after breaklunch we would get more stoned, grab some props and go take some timed photo's.
we decided the picture made starting a band together one of those things you have to do. if not just imagine you will and organize and think up everything your band is going to be like...what kinda music, name, and what would we wear. ours was going to be weird dance music called Landon and lace. but we changed into leather and lace.
i'd have a sharp stick i'd jab at the audience. i would sing and Ryan would play synth. a really tall synth.
so when i got to the vintage store i just HAD TO BUY those cute little lace gloves.
we parted ways, and all i wanted to do was still take pictures.
sure wish i had a model to photo...oh no wait! how bout use myself and the self timer! this ways i can play dress up too! self portrait time...



i changed my batteries 3 times

.

wrinkles

i have always had an age complex. for the most part i have hated being younger then everyone and despite my youthful appearance, have managed to hide or at least try and hide my age.
this has changed especially after the last year or so. finding it finally a complement when someone points out how young i look or i.d's me. i hope this continues cause i am now afraid of ageing.

now i'm not about to get plastic surgery but in efforts to maintain this appearance i bought anti wrinkle cream the other day. this was also a desperate move on my behalf so as i can continue tanning without sunscreen and hitting the fake n' baking once a week.

i went on holidays with my family last week. i was reminded that my one gramma, always being short, has shrunk (spines allll curled up) to a mere 4'10 and my other gramma had allapecia and wore wigs

soooo as jake would put it, i'm probably going to end up looking like a bald yoda when i get old sooo i'm not tooo stoked on it happening EVER!

i have gone from a girl who only wants to be around adults and couldn't wait to be an age where "it just doesn't matter anymore" and hated being reminded how little she was and i.d'd everywhere she went... to... "shiiit, every year i get older it means it's less acceptable to be a pot head wino with no ambitions in life, who's biggest joy is your cat and who each day is one step closer to looking like bald yoda"
and i have looked around my house, thinking, shit...i'm obsessed with youthful things.

i HATE the news (it makes me so angry to hear that 5 cops feared for their lives over a stapler and killed someone due to this fear)
i watch old cartoons while i try and fall asleep
i find showering more of an inconvenience then anything
i saved all my Disney movies from a kid and watch them when i'm sick
i collect kids books but have no intention of having my own..they're just for me
i love theme parks, haunted houses, rides..etc etc
i love doing blades and watching said cartoons and Disney movies and going to said theme parks and haunted houses
i taught myself how to hula hoop..recently
i love to play dress up
i'm still too wimpy to sip whiskey or dink anything hard
my favourite people i know make me laugh over farts, that's what she said jokes, bad humour etc
i dip my raisins in peanut butter
i collect nic nacs and salt n pepper shakers
i do take photo's on occasion but for the most part, my "art" is collaging
i make all important decisions rashly AND last minute

and after all this i STILL sorta have that age complex
so ya. PRETTY COOL. pretty sure i can't win in life cause i will ALWAYS be dissatisfied

couple of things:

here is an update of my love's and hate's of the week

HATE:


LOVE:


HATE HATE HATE:


LOVE:


HATE: (i mean REALLY hate):


LOVE:


HATE: yup still hate it


LOVE:

it finally happened

well i've been waiting and i finally got my digital!

so now i can take as many pictures of animals and myself as i want to!!

uninspired...

...is what i am, and have been for so long now, that it's just getting stupid.

CAN'T take him ANYWHERE!

nobody's business but mine!

to go into details of what I'm about to talk about would make me a hypocrite so i won't say names or what exactly I'm going on about. but I'll just say this, when people i know little about, go around telling people very personal information about me, it doesn't just make me angry, it baffles me. here I'm thinking i blend in, nobody even really knows me, other then i used to date, didn't date for a while and then am dating again, Jake. I'm mostly nervous to go to a lot of shows and such because I'm sorta shy and i feel like i don't actually know anyone. sure i have friends, enough of them. but many of them don't go out anymore much like myself, so i won't exactly see too much of them when I'm tagging along to some drunken every one's too cool for me situation.
I've made a lot of mistakes, i make rash and selfish decisions when I'm feeling self conscious or lonely. because i assume I'm a nobody in this town, i also assume those decisions stay between my close friends and i.
apparently this is not so. people apparently love spreading said decisions around the city, and i guess I'm more famous then i thought, sadly for all the wrong reasons and all spread by people that literally know NOTHING about me.
i am a good person, who does stupid things. so are all of you, so before you go around talking shit, like you're 16 years old, try and think about all the bullshit you've pulled in your life first.

sometimes i wish more people read this so i could tell such idiots to fuck off and leave me alone. the past is the past, and the people who matter to me, are still in my life and still matter to me (as i matter to them) so you have nothing to go on.
goodnight.