SCRAMBLED EGGS

boy am i stuffed.

2009-12-17T14:38:00.000-08:00

dwight

2009-12-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

daily dose of fruits and veggies.

2009-12-04T12:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa

2009-12-03T12:51:00.000-08:00

Hey santa!
soo...this isn't for me. I don't really need anything. i'm cool. but i was wondering, do you read your own letter? Or do you get your agent (elfs) to read them?
well either or, when you or the little guys come accross two from a girl named Marcie, could you pay special attention to them?
She really deserve's her christmas wishes to come true and she's always been good to others and it's high time an edless supply of goodness came her way.
anyhoo, she's not asking for much, just a job and her sister's cat to be found.
i mean that's totally do-able right?? right! that's what i thought?
cool santa, i'm glad we're on the same page. hope the season goes smoothly for you!
although you always manage to come out on top anyway!
sincerly,
liz powell.

you've probably seen it but it belongs here anyway.

2009-12-01T23:27:00.000-08:00

OH MY FUCKING GOD. the part of my brain that handles all cute things just crashed. major overload. i do not think this can be topped.

i know i'm home...

2009-11-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

i cried over a ramote control confusion last night and threw a temper tantrum. i fell asleep teary eyed feeling guilty. i woke up at 7 to the sound of one parent's meltdown and i stared at the ceiling feeling guilty. i went out for breakfast. i knocked over hot coffee on the other parents lap and i sat there feeling guilty. i went to pee. i had a melt down while i sat on the toilet. and i think i made everyoe else feel guilty so i cried in the bathroom stall feeling guilty.
my mom bought me clothes and a bang trim today and i felt pretty guilty.

i tell ya what i don't feel like. what i don't feel like is the daughter you wish you always had, that's what i don't feel like.

have i talked about this guy before?

2009-11-18T17:13:00.000-08:00

life.

2009-11-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

"that's the way it crumbles....cookie wise"

as i stare into space with wine and 2 pens i bought for a dollar

2009-11-15T23:57:00.000-08:00

I drink a couple of glasses of wine and watch infomercials on the TV guide station.
Sarah McLaughlin is on talking about dying animals. you could not look up and know that's what it was. her music is only played if a dog is dying or a child is starving in Africa.

I'm staring at a piece of paper unable to think of anything. I want to write. I want to read. I want to take pictures and make a collage. I want to use my free time wisely and be creative. Why can't I just be naturally talented? Why do I always have to force this shit? Maybe if I left the house, I could feel better? But it's raining and I hear there's a storm coming.
I know this because for the last 4 days I've been watching the news.
Did you know I never watch the news? It's true. I'm rather uneducated in the ways of current events.

she said this is a solution not a problem.
she is obviously right.
she is always right. she is one of the rare people that actually know me.
But despite that, i can not, for the life of me, see beyond "problem".

I feel paralyzed and lost. And although I realize my constant complaining and self deprecation is enough to make anyone ill with annoyance...I don't fucking care.
I don't. I absolutely, positively don't care. Screw it. I feel sorry for myself.
No matter how hard I try and logically look at things, pull myself up by the boot straps if you will, I just can't. What's worse is that I can't seem to move. I can't move at all let alone move forward.
The sometimes pathetic traits in my somewhat sensitive personality, have a tendency to throw me into unsolvable crisis mode. Into the "depths of despair".

You see, I have not lost a loved one. I am not in a real crisis. I am just stuck in crisis mode anyway.
The kind in which you can't even remember what was wrong. You just hyper ventilate anyway because you think to yourself..hell, what else is there to do. Certainly not to actually DO something about it. Certainly not.

i have another glass of wine. i then watch a couple of witty episodes of some HBO show. doesn't really matter which one, whatever get's the ball rolling again. and yet nothing. nothing but word diarrhea that sounds like a diary or a whiny and spoiled 16 year old girl. opps, i did it again.

Ah what the hell, one more glass of wine, one more cookie and i'll call the little shit i refer to as my pet."Here kitty kitty" (i don't know why i bother. he never comes, i just go pick him up and put him on the bed anyway)
Now I rest my head on my cat's sleeping belly. This is the only time he doesn't swat at me. The only time I can pretend this animal, this feline that See's me as a food supplier and key holder to the outside world, actually gives a damn about me.
Never the less, these moments freeze time. I'm sure to get sleepy from the time lapse combined with the wine and I'll go to sleep with some jack lemon movie in the back ground. I'll wear earplugs so I can't hear it. but I sleep better because I know if I can't sleep....it'll still be there, still playing when I turn around.

dear diary, jesus christ, am i actually going to publish this post?! this bullshit?
yes...yes i am.

forced change

2009-11-12T13:32:00.000-08:00

it's easy to make jokes when you weren't the one to wake up at 630am with a text letting you know you had no more job.
that it burnt to the ground.

yesterday one of the specials was named "last man standing"
lugz coffee shop closed down a week prior and my boss was the last of the old business's.
guess there's no one standing now.

i liked my job.
I'm gonna miss my job
fuck...i NEEDED my job.

Dear Bill: i think i might love you.

2009-11-02T12:48:00.000-08:00

untitled

2009-11-02T12:35:00.000-08:00

...

I put in my order for fish and chips
tied my hair back with paper clips
can't see past the edge of reason
when i feel like committing treason
take deep breathes cause we're going down
visiting hours in shades of brown
i believed all lies and chose to be dumb
opened legs to feel a comforting numb
now, soon, here and once there after
what's overrated is the sound of laughter
i am precarious, wary and weak
looking for the injured, listless and bleak
never was i clear on rights and wrongs
i don't belt but whisper songs
our children would be born with paws for hands
whilst endlessly wishing that love expands
driving down a highway headed south
bound feet, closed eyes and covered mouth
in search of a home neither here nor there
but somewhere i know trees still make air
so if future exists the way it promised me
we can all go home, sit there...
..and just BE...

liz

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

2009-10-30T22:47:00.000-07:00

aw man!!!
i REALLY wish i had a front door to give out candy. my favourite part about this holiday is seeing the adorable kids in there stupid adorable costumes!!
my womb EXPLODED when i saw this!
give me a baby, a pot and a lobster costume right fucking now before i FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!

boo hoo.

2009-10-30T22:40:00.000-07:00

"each stage i go through in life has it's ugly face.
and i write only when i believe it's been shown."

i wrote that a long time ago.
i suppose that remains true for me. but why my misery leads to my inspiration... will always, ALWAYS irritate the shit of me.

my muse.

2009-10-30T22:19:00.000-07:00

Ryan.

i make fun of myself a lot, cause whenever i use film and get it back, i always have a creepy amount of photo's of this guy. if i didn't throw out half my photo's i'd have a serious collection. but i guess it's just cause he's the most fun to take photo's of...i guess. hahah..errr....i suppose he's my photo muse... i never thought about it until now.

bleak.

2009-10-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

...

damaged eyes and chubby fingers.
i hang around where my pain lingers.

...

...

2009-10-27T15:47:00.000-07:00

i need a five star first gear daily planner.

i keep forgetting to wake up!

wish you were here.

2009-10-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

ya...me too.

you should try talking to yourself.

2009-10-27T15:44:00.000-07:00

me: it was sunny out today. did you manage to get outside?
myself: shit, it was?

wish i could.

2009-10-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

sail away.
fly away.
run away.
GO AWAY.

GRUMPY BEAR PUMPKIN

2009-10-26T22:14:00.001-07:00

MY MUSE

me myself by myself

2009-10-26T22:03:00.000-07:00

as it seems the only time I'm feeling creative is alone, i chose to take a lot of pictures of myself. and even if that were not the case, i often feel unnatural with a camera pointing at other people. i rush the process and the end result often suffers. i also usually hate all my photo's of "things"
so here we are once more.
self portraits of myself in portrait form taken by: myself.

...

2009-10-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

i am my own worst frienemy.

what else have you been doing under that rock

2009-10-21T01:56:00.000-07:00

apart from watching movies and tv on the internet with the big bear, i have been keeping up with my flower arranging. (as well this summer i really worked on my yard and keeping as many planters alive as i could) once every two weeks i make about 7 mini boquets for the house. they all usually look similar as i keep to the same colour skeem and only have soo much money too spend at a time. but then the next week, i pick a different skeem.

they go great with my figurines and salt and pepper shakers

...

2009-10-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

i don't usually submerge my head in the ocean.

it used to be because i didn't like to get my hair wet.
but now..it's simply i don't like it.

see, i'm worried i'll go under, get lost, and i won't come back up.
the ocean is just too strong for me.

so i think i'll stick to it's surface.
i think i'll continue to keep my head above water.

self portrait.

2009-10-21T01:47:00.001-07:00

playing dress up. cut in half.

i'm back i guess

2009-10-21T01:20:00.000-07:00

not really sure why, i have nothing to say. but comes the winter, comes looking for things to do.
suppose i'll try and write a little. maybe post a funny thing or two. who knows.
but here's some pictures i've taken with the ol digital over the last 5 months or so.

style watch

2009-04-06T18:28:00.000-07:00

my only glimpse of spring.

2009-04-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

on days such as these i get discouraged that the rain and cold will ever stop.
i have one thing that gets me going.
the moment i step out my door i see a big tree in my back yard. and it has now started to bloom. sooo MAYBE there's still hope.

you can argue with...

2009-04-01T17:24:00.001-07:00

...this guy though.

...cause he'll back down for cheese, yogurt, pizza, curry, milk, smoothie's, plants, salami, fish, YOUR water..not his, and probably butter.

don't argue with...

2009-04-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

...THIS GUY!!!!

he call's ALL the shots!

GOT IT?? GOOD!!!

ok you win...

2009-03-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

...you were right.

doesn't matter how hungry you are...

2009-03-24T11:58:00.000-07:00

...you would never want to EAT incredible hungry Caterpillar!!!!!!!

by the fabulous cococakes!

thanks

2009-03-23T13:14:00.000-07:00

I've had a rough week. to say the very least..... i raised from the dead the crazy teenager out of me that i thought i buried along time ago.

however, some good came to be. i had some time to think and truly appreciate the things and people in my life I'm lucky to have. and when things get dark, it's funny how people do little things to make you love them when they don't even know they're doing so and that you needed it (at that exact moment) more then they could possibly know.

first things first.
work.
i often feel pretty skidly that I'm doing nothing important in life. sometimes i think my only talent is flirting and being social. funny thing is I'm more shy then i let on and i care WAY TOO MUCH about what other people think. it's hard to chose a path in life with those personality traits. being a server right now, is good for me though. i think I'm pretty good at it and i actually like it...but i still feel like it's nothing to write home about.

slicity jims..a weird little diner owned by a weird little man who still thinks he is and wants to be... twenty years old. run by mostly alcoholics and people with the most sad, yet amazing stories and lives, we are a messed up but happy together family. i know i could probably go work somewhere, another serving job where i could make more money etc. but the thing is, i never dread going to work. when i come home, i never think about it and when I'm there, it seems to always cheer me up from anything that's bothering me. i know people there understand me.

my boss Amanda, always tries to have my back. her and the head chef there, always go to bat for me and always make me feel great. when i was having the worst day this last week, she covered me without any explanation and just said she understood.

that's a great boss. they are hard to come by.

i may not always be stoked on what I'm doing, but for now, this is the healthiest and happiest job I've ever had.

secondly.
my roommate Anna.
in 6 years i have lived in 7 places and have lived with i THINK 21 people. many of those people was when i lived at a party house, some off them lived on my couch when i lived with two other girls for a while, some subleted my old roommates room for a couple of months, some were very temporary and many of them, i had cleaned up after, were awful people and or i went crazy living with.
every end of every roommate was all for different reasons. so although sometimes i think, maybe I'm bad to live with,maybe its me, there's no pattern so really i was just having the worst living situation luck in all of Vancouver.
right now, i couldn't be more content with my roommate and even though it's a dark small basement, my home. i call it home. it's the first place i think I've called home.
Anna and i have known each other a while, but never been best friends or anything. but since almost the very first day of living together, it's felt sooo natural. we get along great, we have a lot in common..she's grown up with Jake and i adore her frenchy boyfriend. i can talk to her, drink wine and laugh with her but i can also not talk at all and feel totally comfortable in my own home. sometimes we pull both our laptops to the table and cruise on ebay together. barely speaking to each other unless we see something awesome. then we talk about how cool it is and then go back to not talking and doing our own thing. but it's nice to have someone in the room. it feels a lot like living with a sister. there was no adjusting for me. it just settled in nicely. she's a great person to live with. she's clean and sweet and i consider her a good friend.

thirdly.
miss Toby Marie!!

i love Toby. she moved to new york along with the rest of the sweethearts in my life that have moved...that I'm sure I've talked about to no end in almost an annoying way.
Toby and i, a bit before she left got together so she could take some photo's of yours truly.
but she never sent me any. i bugged her occasionally for months and months to no avail and finally the other day, totally random, she sent them too me!
not only did she send the pictures, but she sent along with it a note that made me feel like a million dollars. she made my day and i can't tell you how sweet and out of the blue it was.
she inspires me to keep taking photo's and she always does little things that remind me to just have fun with it and to just have fun with life. I've always looked up to her a little to be honest so in a dark week, the email meant a whole lot.

miss Toby Marie and her pictures below

finally..and this may sound silly: the flowerbox on commercial and flowers in general.

the thing i do these days, once a week is buy flowers for myself. i love the flowerbox. the ladies in there know my face and they always make me feel fantastic. i love love love flowers. i get 4 bouquet's a week or so and spread them around my house. they make them for me each time and it's a ritual i can't seem to live without.
thanks flowerbox and thanks mother nature for giving me some colour in life!

it was only a matter of time.

2009-03-18T18:40:00.000-07:00

tales from the changing room

2009-03-16T19:08:00.001-07:00

depression comes and goes for me. enough anyway, for me to know that a)it goes away and b)it can be short term remedied, like shopping, a dinner party, getting drunk and going to karaoke or getting artsy.
man sometimes clothes shopping is THE best short term remedy and it makes me feel so much better. i prance around like i'm on fashion television and this new outfit is gonna make me be somebody. like I designed it myself, man look how GOOD this looks on me?!

but other times, i kinda wanna go home and burn all my food and then stab myself in the foot so as i can not PHYSICALLY leave the house again and therefore starving to death. like bathing suit shopping in February, it can be that bad.

just like today.
but at lease i tried right?

and it went oN AND On: home and i edition

2009-03-10T18:38:00.001-07:00

taking more photos:

on A tuesDAY

2009-03-10T17:51:00.000-07:00

i had porridge and coffee at Theresa's late this morning with my friend Ryan. each of us stoned already. turns out we both brought our new toy's and decided after breaklunch we would get more stoned, grab some props and go take some timed photo's.
we decided the picture made starting a band together one of those things you have to do. if not just imagine you will and organize and think up everything your band is going to be like...what kinda music, name, and what would we wear. ours was going to be weird dance music called Landon and lace. but we changed into leather and lace.
i'd have a sharp stick i'd jab at the audience. i would sing and Ryan would play synth. a really tall synth.
so when i got to the vintage store i just HAD TO BUY those cute little lace gloves.
we parted ways, and all i wanted to do was still take pictures.
sure wish i had a model to photo...oh no wait! how bout use myself and the self timer! this ways i can play dress up too! self portrait time...

i changed my batteries 3 times

wrinkles

2009-03-05T23:43:00.000-08:00

i have always had an age complex. for the most part i have hated being younger then everyone and despite my youthful appearance, have managed to hide or at least try and hide my age.
this has changed especially after the last year or so. finding it finally a complement when someone points out how young i look or i.d's me. i hope this continues cause i am now afraid of ageing.

now i'm not about to get plastic surgery but in efforts to maintain this appearance i bought anti wrinkle cream the other day. this was also a desperate move on my behalf so as i can continue tanning without sunscreen and hitting the fake n' baking once a week.

i went on holidays with my family last week. i was reminded that my one gramma, always being short, has shrunk (spines allll curled up) to a mere 4'10 and my other gramma had allapecia and wore wigs

soooo as jake would put it, i'm probably going to end up looking like a bald yoda when i get old sooo i'm not tooo stoked on it happening EVER!

i have gone from a girl who only wants to be around adults and couldn't wait to be an age where "it just doesn't matter anymore" and hated being reminded how little she was and i.d'd everywhere she went... to... "shiiit, every year i get older it means it's less acceptable to be a pot head wino with no ambitions in life, who's biggest joy is your cat and who each day is one step closer to looking like bald yoda"
and i have looked around my house, thinking, shit...i'm obsessed with youthful things.

i HATE the news (it makes me so angry to hear that 5 cops feared for their lives over a stapler and killed someone due to this fear)
i watch old cartoons while i try and fall asleep
i find showering more of an inconvenience then anything
i saved all my Disney movies from a kid and watch them when i'm sick
i collect kids books but have no intention of having my own..they're just for me
i love theme parks, haunted houses, rides..etc etc
i love doing blades and watching said cartoons and Disney movies and going to said theme parks and haunted houses
i taught myself how to hula hoop..recently
i love to play dress up
i'm still too wimpy to sip whiskey or dink anything hard
my favourite people i know make me laugh over farts, that's what she said jokes, bad humour etc
i dip my raisins in peanut butter
i collect nic nacs and salt n pepper shakers
i do take photo's on occasion but for the most part, my "art" is collaging
i make all important decisions rashly AND last minute

and after all this i STILL sorta have that age complex
so ya. PRETTY COOL. pretty sure i can't win in life cause i will ALWAYS be dissatisfied

couple of things:

2009-03-05T22:54:00.000-08:00

here is an update of my love's and hate's of the week

HATE:

LOVE:

HATE HATE HATE:

LOVE:

HATE: (i mean REALLY hate):

LOVE:

HATE: yup still hate it

LOVE:

it finally happened

2009-03-03T19:22:00.000-08:00

well i've been waiting and i finally got my digital!

so now i can take as many pictures of animals and myself as i want to!!

uninspired...

2009-02-19T17:34:00.001-08:00

...is what i am, and have been for so long now, that it's just getting stupid.

CAN'T take him ANYWHERE!

2009-02-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

nobody's business but mine!

2009-02-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

to go into details of what I'm about to talk about would make me a hypocrite so i won't say names or what exactly I'm going on about. but I'll just say this, when people i know little about, go around telling people very personal information about me, it doesn't just make me angry, it baffles me. here I'm thinking i blend in, nobody even really knows me, other then i used to date, didn't date for a while and then am dating again, Jake. I'm mostly nervous to go to a lot of shows and such because I'm sorta shy and i feel like i don't actually know anyone. sure i have friends, enough of them. but many of them don't go out anymore much like myself, so i won't exactly see too much of them when I'm tagging along to some drunken every one's too cool for me situation.
I've made a lot of mistakes, i make rash and selfish decisions when I'm feeling self conscious or lonely. because i assume I'm a nobody in this town, i also assume those decisions stay between my close friends and i.
apparently this is not so. people apparently love spreading said decisions around the city, and i guess I'm more famous then i thought, sadly for all the wrong reasons and all spread by people that literally know NOTHING about me.
i am a good person, who does stupid things. so are all of you, so before you go around talking shit, like you're 16 years old, try and think about all the bullshit you've pulled in your life first.

sometimes i wish more people read this so i could tell such idiots to fuck off and leave me alone. the past is the past, and the people who matter to me, are still in my life and still matter to me (as i matter to them) so you have nothing to go on.
goodnight.

fucking DON'T STOP it.

2009-02-01T19:38:00.001-08:00

obsessing about fleetwood mac: only a chick thing

FUCKING stop IT!!!!

2009-02-01T19:02:00.000-08:00

Air drumming: only a dude thing

SUgar daDdy

2009-02-01T18:59:00.000-08:00

"meet me down town baby, i wanna take you shopping!"

"buy anything you want"

little girls ALL grown up..

2009-01-26T15:43:00.001-08:00

i bet you never expect this to happen to your child!!
did anyone else know these two were the same person??!! (ya ya i know nobody cares but seriously..jesus christ!)

those were the days

2009-01-26T15:23:00.000-08:00

( photo by jason fisher)

hey stay at home dad's!! here's how you manipulate your body...

2009-01-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

...and feel the burn.

"you know the onesie isn't going to break"

to tip or not to tip.

2009-01-20T22:30:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to go into huge details about why I'm writing this. but let's just say, i got into a little debate with someone about tipping your server today.
now, although i serve and sometimes give bad service, still wanting a tip no matter what...deep down i know sometimes i don't fucking deserve it and i agree that you DO NOT have to tip if your server is real shitty.
but, the system is , albeit stupid to some, still the system. we get paid shit money to put up with people that are treating us like slaves sometimes. they pay us nothing based on the idea that we get tips. so when people who ignore you when you're asking them if you want a refill, some water, ask you to turn the heat off, turn it on, move tables around so your fat ass can fit somewhere, clean up after your baby, watch your bag for you, help you to the bathroom if your old, find somewhere for your stroller, apologize for things that are totally out of your control and give you discounts when you think your eggs weren't cooked to the way you wanted them...even though you said you didn't care how they were cooked, give you rim job, a fucking back massage etc etc, you know, you get paid by them to do that shit with a smile. if you pay shit money and don't tip when said things are done for you, it's like having a maid and paying them the cheapest amount you can and not allowing them weekends off cause you have tea parties on Sunday's after country club and you want a maid to serve you and your lady friends. we literally SERVE you. so fuck off, if you don't want to tip don't go out for dinner. because you know what...if you're fucking cheap, buy your own groceries, make your own meals. serve yourself. because no matter how you slice it, going out for meals is A FUCKING LUXURY...SO DON'T ACT LIKE IT'S YOUR DAMN RIGHT TO GET SERVED FOR NEXT TO NOTHING...IT'S FUCKING NOOOT. don't complain about the mark up of food when you buy 7 of all man kind and even cheap Monday jeans that are made for 3 dollars and sold for 90 dollars and up. when you go out for drinks and buy 80 dollars of blow so you can stay up to drink more, when you just have to buy that fucking fixed gear bike, when you buy records every Saturday... and you want to tell me that the money you have shouldn't be spent on servers that their boss don't pay enough..that it's not your problem and that there are poor people who need it more. well buddy, that may be true but there are people who need your money more then your fucking stereo system being upgraded and your 70 dollar hair cuts and you cell phone bills when you could have a home phone, and your trip's to Mexico and your guitar you need to buy and every other fucking bullshit thing you buy that you don't fucking NEED do. SO DON'T LECTURE ME, DON'T BE A HYPOCRITE AND FUCK YOURSELF....
ps.
just as a side note, the person i had a debate with, i do not have a problem with. i'm not even that mad at him, he's a sweet person and whatever...I'm sure he is poor and has a hard time but then at the same time..don't go out for dinner if you can't afford it and it just brought up feelings on all the other cheap assholes in the city i deal with every day.
sometimes my job is really chill, relaxing, boss is nice etc...sometimes shitty people ruin my day and shitty people that are ignorant hypocrites are the fucking WORST of them all.

my cat may be an asshole, but at least he doesn't look like Hitler

2009-01-19T16:34:00.001-08:00

MY HEART HURTS...

2009-01-18T02:20:00.000-08:00

it REALLY does.
my best friend is leaving in less than a week. i have never felt such a loss before. and although i should be happy for her (and deep down i truly am)...all i can do right now is cry.
call me a baby, i call it human. i love her more then most people can understand. she is the most loving and caring person i know and although they say distance makes the heart grow fonder, i think it fucking sucks.

getting bromantic

2009-01-16T22:14:00.000-08:00

today i woke up thinking i had the energy to do a shitload more then i usually do...but then there was the bus ride home this morning that involved listening to a women who must have been under the impression American idle auditions where taking place ON the bus. And then there was the yelling everyone does while your stopped at a red light for the "BACK DOOR PLEASE" when it's not even the fucking stop yet. And THEN there was when i got off the bus, walked by the bus, only to see the crazy bus driver gesturing crazy hands at me to which i thought..why the fuck is she yelling at me!? So i flipped her the bird, she flipped out on me, and we both basically RUINED each others day. soooooo i wasn't really in the mood for ANYTHING after that.

so then this is where i went with my day.
i called up a man who i just adore and don't see enough anymore, to come over and drink hot beverages and play cards with me at my house (also known as my winter cabin in the middle of nowhere). it was the perfect way to mellow out, spend time with the most mellow person i know. Plus he brought samosas, so you can't hate on that. anyhoo...he's a real "bro" and every time i see him i realize more and more how much i enjoy his company.i'm also seeing more and more that he's pretty funny (i mean i guess I'll give him that)

so here is my friend shout out...first one in a while. i heart this guy, almost as much as i heart this picture!
Adrian:

i like this:

2009-01-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

a reason to have a baby.

2009-01-01T19:55:00.000-08:00

I've always liked OTHER people's babies. never have i seen myself as a mother, as i am not a patient person and am a wee bit selfish sometimes.
lately my maternal instincts have been driving me crazy though. today a little baby that was only 2 weeks old came into to my work (walked RIGHT in..i know..amazing!) and it nearly killed me!
obviously i slapped myself out of it, thought about the 6 shots of tequila i had last night and realized that there is no good reason for me to have a baby!!

except this one:

twothousandandeight

2008-12-29T13:53:00.000-08:00

ya ya..The years do seem to go by faster and faster. Thing is, they DO because you can't believe that THAT much shit actually happened in just one year. When you were a kid/pre teen/teen the things that happened, the excitement, the change, the depression in your life happened but over three years instead of 6 months.

Twenty o8 was an epic year of long term relationships coming to an end. Some of which I cried about more then the people involved did.
For me, I broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together, broke up, got back together. Crushed and was crushed by one man.
I had quite a bit of short term "friendships" too

I may hate America as a whole but I don't hate all American’s and I don't hate some of their beautiful cities and country side. Anyway…they finally stood up for change this year. Even if most of them don't understand what it's really going to take people to do to ACTUALLY change. But I say, a want for change is at least a start.
Black prez… that's pretty awesome. OH and there's the little issue of Wall Street and them being on the verge of another depression. Ps. did I mention we aren’t doing so hot either?

John McCain said “my friends” 24 times during the town hall debate. Which if you were playing the drinking game would have really fucked you up.

California made gay marriage illegal again. Fucking ridiculous.

Many friends moved away this year. Some came back long enough for me to feel like they never left, only to leave again.
I bonded more with some people, grew apart from many

On the hill's Spencer and Heidi got married..or did they?
On young and the restless Catharine Chancler died and Victor Newman died….or did they?

I went to two other countries.
I fell in love with one.

OJ Simpson went to jail! 8 years after he was supposed too. For a totally different thing!
The Canadian dollar was at it's highest since a long ass time
Metro Vancouver had its most snow since a long ass time ago

My dearest friend became an aunt
My longest friend had sex with twins at the same time.

I had 4 jobs this year!

I went through 5 roommates. I’m not a bad roommate honestly…it was all for different reasons. I am happy with the end results.

I inherited 6 cameras. As a result I decided to get back into photography. It’s been a slow start, but the love is still there and I feel creative again. I also started this blog. Then I deleted it. Then I started it again.

Pirates came back with a vengeance!

This time it was not Johnny Dep in pirates of the Caribbean 72 but real pirates…Somalian pirates.
“Taking advantage of a country without a stable government, the pirates attacked more than 90 vessels this year, seizing almost 40, and raked in some US$30mil (RM95mil) in ransom.”

I had Christmas at my house this year. My sister came to visit which meant I was to spend the holidays with family for the first time in over 7 years. So I got a tree, bought presents (went broke) and I decided to make a huge Christmas dinner, turkey and the works.
My sister only ate mashed potatoes. But I love her anyway and at least we refreshed ourselves on Walt Disney and Star Trek. Watching 4 movies of each.

I hope to spend new years with Jake, Jenni and Jeff, drinking wine and loving my life because I’m pretty lucky, and it’s been pretty good so far.

i was attacked by a todler...

2008-12-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

...don't laugh, it was pretty scary. i wanted to educate myself so this did not happen again and this is what i found:

ps..i mean i'm pretty sure i look just like her..no?

2008-12-10T21:37:00.001-08:00

secret not so secret obesssion with...

2008-12-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

...shakira!

this video gives me a femboner:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-IVsy0sOiCo

blog jamming during the winter nights

2008-12-10T19:14:00.000-08:00

It's no secret to most of my loved ones that I'm not always a pleasant person to be around during the long winter months. you could say I'm a bit of a depressed Debbi, a sad sally, a miserable Monah, a mopey Mindy etc etc. but due to a couple of things I've decided to do this year, I'm feeling not too shabby. I'm still as much of a hermit as always but this time...I'm fucking loving it. there's nothing I'd rather do lately then to come home, drink wine, blog a bit, order curry, snuggle with my amazing cat and watch old movies. I've been on a Walter Matthau train lately and i don't think i want to get off anytime soon. my house is a comfy winter cabin with cable and a pile of movies begging to be watched. it's like taking a personal day for months. as Jake and Erin would say "a personal month" but more like a personal SEASON.
i don't go out too much and therefore i don't see too many people. the best part is, i don't feel bad about it AT ALL.
anyway here's my motivation for staying home: (you tell me you wouldn't do the same)

Long live something

2008-12-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

Serina Nell. Friend shout out# 6

I have not kept in touch with many people from my childhood. I used to feel bad about it but the more i've grown and the more wonderful people i meet as the years go by, i don't.

You're personality changes, so who you at age 7 is obviously nowhere near who you are at 24. Most of the time you're lucky to have a friend that changes with you throughout the school years let alone the rest of your life following. I did not like a lot of kids my age growing up and i don't think they even knew who i was and i certainly don't regret moving away from all of them.

In grade 8 i met one girl who's grown with me since then. No one before then and no one really after (Mind you my last 2 years living in kelowna were also spent getting to know some pretty great people)

I just want to say i'm glad she's the one person i kept in touch with from those days. She's taught me to be strong, not to think to hard about bullshit, what other people think and to live life the way i WANT to live it. which is the way everyone should live really.

She's inspired me and showed me...it's ok to be crazy.

i don't see her often but she's still close to my heart. These days i'd sum her up in one word: twins!!

Long live great friendships that came to you when you needed it the most...no matter how late in the game.

and long live the ones that stick around and the ones you want to stick around for.

more photo's of new york trip

2008-12-01T16:08:00.001-08:00

more photo's of mexico trip

2008-12-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

MORE MIND FUCKS

2008-11-30T17:41:00.000-08:00

wall street tombstones! jesus

2008-11-25T15:16:00.000-08:00

Tombstones
by Lizzie Widdicombe November 10, 2008

Of all the sad Wall Street scenes—Lehman employees shuffling out of their offices in shorts, “reduction in force” victims commiserating over drinks on Stone Street—one of the saddest might be the headquarters of Icon Recognition, a company that makes deal toys, the desktop trophies (sometimes called “deal gifts” or “tombstones”) collected by a lot of finance types to commemorate deals. On an afternoon not long ago, a conference room there had a day-after-Christmas feeling: boxes everywhere, rows of lonely Lucite toys (a cube with 3-D shoes etched inside, a fake bottle of suntan lotion).* “This is definitely a tough time,” Stephen Sokoler, the president of the company, said. He’d been up early working the phones: “You call and ask, ‘Is there anyone who’s announced a deal recently or closed a deal? Anyone you’ve heard of?’ ” He added, “It feels like we’re a ship in the middle of a storm. Not only are you in the storm but there’s no visibility as to whether the storm’s gonna clear.”
Sokoler, who is twenty-nine, came to the company in 2002, and he recalled, with some wistfulness, the go-go days of the business, when, for example, he made a faux emerald-and-ruby crown to celebrate a deal for Merrill Lynch, and J. P. Morgan ordered up a batch of ten-by-fifteen-inch Lucite blocks with dinosaur heads inside (three hundred dollars each)—a “Jurassic Park” reference—to celebrate a deal involving Universal. “That was just a monstrous piece,” Sokoler said.
The most recent era of toys—the one that just ended—had been exuberant, too: a gold-plated replica of the Mandalay Bay Hotel, in Las Vegas, commissioned by Merrill Lynch; a Lucite banana split, commemorating Sun Capital Partners’ acquisition of Friendly’s; a snow globe made for Northoil (“Inside the snow globe we have placed a pewter casting of an oil rig,” the ad material says). Sokoler pointed to a catalogue picture of a little banjo, commemorating a deal that Merrill did for G.E. called Project Bluegrass. “Isn’t that cool?” he said. “You can actually play it.”
He was joined by Kathryn Kerns, a salesperson, who had just come back from a trip to the cubicles at Goldman Sachs. (Deal toys are usually commissioned by junior analysts.) It was not long after the news broke that Goldman might lay off ten per cent of its staff, but the scene, Kerns reported, had been eerily calm. “I get the impression that people are either very busy now or they’re getting a lot more downtime,” she said. Goldman recently sent an e-mail to employees announcing that they would have to start paying for their own deal toys, but Sokoler thinks that such mandates will eventually be relaxed. “Every once in a while, you see rules like that,” he said. Somehow, people have continued to fill their windowsills with souvenir footballs, detachable trucks, and bobblehead C.E.O.s mounted on Lucite pedestals.

This spring came what Kern called “the tiny-globe craze.” Sokoler rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t start with that,” he said. “You know those things you see in Sharper Image, where there’s a base and a little globe just floats over it?” (They work by means of magnets.) Somebody at Merrill decided to order a hundred of them to celebrate an M. & A. deal, and all of a sudden everybody had to have one. “It was a real pain in the ass,” Sokoler said. “People were calling my cell phone in the middle of the night, saying, ‘It’s not floating!’ And you’d have to, like, walk them through it. You’d say, ‘Yes, it is floating—you just have to hold it in the right place.’ ”
There will always be deal toys of some kind, Sokoler predicted (Icon Recognition is already coming up with a pitch to commemorate Bank of America’s acquisition of Merrill), but, lately, more traditional designs have resurfaced—the simple tombstone, for example, with the name of the lead firm on the left. “It’s more in keeping with the mood,” Kerns said. Sokoler wandered over to a miniature statue of the god Apollo, commissioned to celebrate a private-equity deal for Apollo Capital. Apollo was bare-chested, and his foot was planted on the torso of a writhing grizzly bear, which he seemed about to shoot in the face with a tiny bow and arrow. “This was sketched by a banker,” Sokoler said—an analyst at J. P. Morgan. Sokoler pointed out Apollo’s rippling muscles, and the bear’s ears and teeth. “To be honest, I don’t think any other company could make this,” he said. He shrugged. “I think the bear won.” ♦

amanda sure can capture an image

2008-11-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

i'm saving my friend shout out to amanda for when i have the right image of her and the perfect thing to say. so we'll call this a pre-shout out to her and also to the subjects.

i was snooping through amanda's blog and then her flicker thingy and i found this. manda...you couldn't have possibly taken a better picture to sum tara and johnny up then this.

i love you and i love these guys!!!!!!

my landlords...

2008-11-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

...are actors. i am listening to muffled sounds of what sounds like a retard yelling and repeating herself.
i LOOVE when they get parts and start practicing their lines.

uncle duffy

2008-11-23T16:39:00.001-08:00

friend shout out # 4

i'm glad you're back for a while now buddy! can you say tequila in the afternoon?

cause i can.

oh movies

2008-11-23T16:33:00.000-08:00

this is my favourite of all time... ps.

a brilliant talent

2008-11-21T00:16:00.000-08:00

the only piece of art i've ever bought that wasn't from a thrift store and under 10$ was by this guy. i met his brother's while in mexico and saw his stuff in a local cantina they were working at. he is amazing and i recomend you check him out!

blood meridian

2008-11-21T00:04:00.000-08:00

WHEN YOU HAVE INSOMNIA YOU STUMBLE UPON JEMS YOU FORGOT ABOUT. CHEERS BLOOD MERIDIAN. I LOVED THIS VIDEO...IT MAKES ME SAD AND HAPPY ALL AT ONCE.

no more men

2008-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

apparently the world has run out of decent looking men.

dear new york: i love you.

2008-11-20T23:39:00.000-08:00

new york is amazing. all the senses get a dose of awesome. it showed me how small vancouver is and reminded me that there's a lot more people in this world i'd like to meet and a hell of a lot more things i'd like to see.it also reminded me of all the wonderful people vancouver has lost to new york and how much i miss them.

toby!!!!

thank you jenni and jeff for being such wonderful host's and putting up with me for so many days. you have always made me feel loved and you always make me laugh. i miss you both so much.

speaking of marcie... (friend shout out#3)

2008-11-20T12:34:00.000-08:00

...there are no words to describe how much this women means to me. she is my rock.

TECHNOLOGY IS WAISTED ON LITTLE SHITS.

2008-11-20T12:29:00.000-08:00

this is fucking hilarious. louis ck is wonderful. thanks for the ticket marcie, i had so much fun and i laughed..a guess a little.

e.e.cummings

2008-11-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

anyone lived in a pretty how town by E. E. Cummings
anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men(both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain

Total Babe

2008-11-17T16:32:00.001-08:00

I think i have to go kill myself now...Fuck!

Chad VanGaalan you blow my fucking mind into mini little pieces!!!

2008-11-17T16:27:00.000-08:00

Chad VanGaalen - Molten Light

thank you Andre for showing this to me. This animation and song is spine chilling.

My Favourite illustrator!

2008-11-17T16:23:00.000-08:00

CHARLES VAN SANDWYK
(b. 1966)Emigrated from South Africa (1977) to Vancouver, Canada. Joyce Williams began selling his original etchings when he was 16 years old. The National Library of Canada has maintained an archive of his work since 1986. His Book WEE FOLK, won the Juror's Choice Award at the Seattle Book Fair. He illustrated, at their invitation, Andrew Lang's BLUE FAIRY BOOK for the Folio Society in London in 2002, followed by Kenneth Grahame's WIND IN THE WILLOWS in 2005. Charles' own books (25) are designed, written and illustrated by himself, and he oversees every step of their publication for his own company, The Fairy Press.

Friend shout out #2 also pictures i have taken of her that i like

2008-11-16T20:41:00.000-08:00

Eve-Valerie Nathalie Georgette Bechade Has been one of my best friends for a very long time. We have been through soo much together it's unexplainable. I moved to Vancouver here with her and she was my first roomate. Both being raised in messy and chaotic environments, we kept that house with pride and she taught me more about myself then i even knew. We both will do just about anything if it's free and we love mushrooms, blades, jd, wine and dressing up and taking pictures.
when she calls, she makes my day.

MIND FUCKS

2008-11-16T20:26:00.000-08:00

If you know what's good for you, you'll go smoke a joint and watch these. oh hell you don't even HAVE to be stoned to have your mind fucked by these!!

Charles Bukowski

2008-11-16T20:21:00.000-08:00

SHE SAID from: War All the Time

what are you doing
with all those paper napkins in your car?
we dont have napkins like that

how come your car radio
is always turned to some rock and roll station?
do you drive around withsome young thing?

you're dripping tangerine juice
on the floor.

whenever you go into the kitchen
this towel gets wet and dirty,
why is that?

when you let my bathwater run
you never clean the tub first.

why don't you put
your tooth brush
backin the rack?

you should always dry
your razor

sometimes I think you
hate my cat.

Martha says you were downstairs
sitting with her
and youhad your pants off.

you shouldn't wear those
$100 shoes
in the garden

and you don't keep track of
what you plant out there
that's dumb

you must always set
the cat's bowl back
in the same place.

don't bake fish
in a frying pan...

I never saw anybody
harder on the brakes
of their car than you.

let's goto a movie.

listen what's wrong with you?
you act depressed.

opps i forgot one

2008-11-15T23:21:00.000-08:00

Shit i wish i was shoving a whole BUNCH of these in my mouth RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

pictures i took in mexico

2008-11-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Boca De Tamatlan. Mexico

Never have i felt so at home, more at piece and as comfertable in my own skin as i do here in Bocca.

Friend shout out #1

2008-11-15T20:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Jake Goodman

You are my best friend times infinity. You've been there for me through EVERYTHING, i love you, and i always feel safe when you're around. you are more funny then me and i love getting stoned and watching snl or other comedy things with you!

for realzies. You are such a good friend to me that i can look past things like you dutch pillowing me....twice

actually i can't look past that

you are also a little shit.

STARTING OVER... GOD DAMNIT!

2008-11-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!
Its a long story and i feel stupid enough as it is so i won't go into details but..i deleted my blog. I was fresh into this so i do remember most of what was on here so here it goes, shouldn't take me too many days.
sigh